난, 울면 돼? 진짜 너무해. 용도없는, 알아. 그냥.
하지만..
포기 안해!!! 지금은 안돼!!!
-post note-
I was in mess, then so did this post come to be. I apologize for the messing grammar and words. *bows*
Showing posts with label trash. Show all posts
-post note-
I was in mess, then so did this post come to be. I apologize for the messing grammar and words. *bows*
It's been a hectic weeks of my life. My final project (on my own) deadline will be coming so soon, not more than a month. And I've been doing some extra works everyday about that. I stayed up late till 1 or 2 a.m. for that, well yeah, I'm occasionally did that too although I have nothing to do but internet. :p
Apparently, my brain works its best after dinner time, so most of my works were done in the night. That's why I had to stay awake to the point where my brain couldn't think straight, and my code will be in mess if I still pushing myself to work more. That's just gonna be more work for me.
And because of all that disturbing-mind-things, I even couldn't get a comfy sleeps! *sigh* All I can remember is that I've been dreaming many things regarding my final project, from a nice dream where I finally make it through the end, to a nightmare where I -um, better not telling it here. don't wanna jinx it-
Feel like I was haunted by that thing, wait, It's really haunting me, not just my feeling. And to make it worse, my friends did the same thing, haunting me. Yeah, I really appreciate that they have much care about me, regarding my late on this final project, really glad actually to have friends that keep pushing me to reach my own goal. But, hey, it's not like I didn't make an effort about that. I'm so sorry for not replying your messages, B's. :(
When those comforting words, somehow, became the burden itself. Then you will feel not just comforted and motivated, but also under pressure at the same time.
Remember my post titled Everybody can change, even the worst one? Here's one truth about it. I guess I'm now witnessing what I was predicting to be true. Finally he finds his "heart". And from what I see, he starts to change into a better he. And now I'm like screaming, "See that?! told ya!" ;D
Maybe people think I'm being naive for the thought I had before, that even a villain has its own reason to be it. Okay I'm not an angel that always have angelic mind, thoughts, even face. In fact, that kind of person freaks me out. I still hate, not free from sin, and I even curse although only in my heart, but what's wrong with having a good thought? It harms no one, nothing. So I guess, I have to have it more from now on, those positive thoughts. But I won't let my devilish side just die like that, for sure. So my life won't be just a monotone.
My point is : Life is already hard enough without all those mind tricks stuffs, so why'd you have to make it way harder by having such negative thought? Enjoy life, because life is just to sweet to be bitter. :)
Adios! ^^
God... I know you've always been good to me. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful life with wonderful people inside it. I'm happy for my life of course, nothing happier than this life you gave, although sometimes you teach me in the hard way. I just don't know how to say it to you, but that one person you sent to be existed in my life, why I still hold my curse to it? Is there any reason? I knew, there always be. Yeah, I'm fully aware of that. That I'm going to find the answer later.
God... I know that goodness is the things you love. I'm trying to be one, I'm trying to be good, ignoring what I'm struggling with inside. I'm gonna wear that mask. Just please help me to put it much much longer till I can free from everything bad inside. Please keep me smile, so that everyone that see me, will smile eventually. Will you?
Ok, I wasn't being "active" these past days, or should I say : this whole month. I didn't do something "great" or at least just "useful" in those days. I didn't even post anything in my blog for this month. I can't believe I was that failure and pathetic. Oh, wait, I believe it, it is pathetic that I said that I was pathetic. And now you know, that this is another trash post I made. Go on, keep on reading. You won't get something if you stop here. :)
Well, since I have realized it just now, all I can do left is to make it all way better than before. If I WAS a failure, then I WON'T be another failure. My messed life before, nothing I can do about it, but I still can do something to cover that thing. I will make my already-fail-thing things become really great that someday I won't regret. Yes, I'm gonna make use of it in every way.
